What is the Quarter-Life Crisis?

The concept of the “midlife crisis” has been a long accepted phenomenon in our society, likely to raise images of a somewhat balding man in his late-40s or early-50s cruising around town in his little red sport convertible. It has become an accepted trope when discussing the progression of adulthood and the many challenges it brings.

Over the past decade, however, the so-called “quarter-life crisis” has gained increasing awareness and acceptance in the mental health community. While shows like Friends and How I Met Your Mother comically depict the struggles that come along with emerging adulthood, they do little justice to the genuine angst that can overwhelm individuals in this phase of their life. It’s all fun and games as we clap along with the Friends theme song, but let’s take a look at why so many people genuinely struggle to get through what is often touted as the best time in one’s life.

Everyone’s Path Starts to Diverge

Many people have a clear and direct path to the age of 22ish. You get through high school and graduate at 18 years old, then the majority of students (over 60 percent) continue on to college for four years (Although the number of individuals enrolling in higher education is actually declining, which speaks to our need for alternative methods of training and education in our country, which is another topic completely.)

College can be a difficult and stressful time for students, but ultimately it is a structured environment offering quite a bit direction and guidance along the way. Most degrees take about four years to complete, bringing the traditional student to about 22 years old. As graduation approaches, there is a sense of panic and anxiety that starts to creep up on people. The question of “Now what…” looms ahead and the problem is that everyone’s answer starts to look different. Not knowing exactly what comes next can trigger immense anxiety in many individuals.

 Your 20s Are Filled with Conflicting Experiences

Your 20s can feel like a decade of contradictions. Those who were able to go away to college and experience the almost limitless freedoms, may now find themselves back at home after graduation. Sure, Mom and Dad had no idea about your daily comings and goings for all of college, but now it is back to the “My House, My Rules” mentality.  There can be a real shock associated with coming back home after being away at school and finding yourself falling back into old roles and routines.

Or perhaps the opposite is true; maybe for the first time you are truly living on your own, without emotional or financial support that you previously had. That can be a terrifying prospect for those accustomed to some form of structure and aid. Trying to navigate “adult concepts” like career decisions, health insurance, taxes can be daunting tasks when our society generally does a poor job of preparing emerging adults for those responsibilities.

The Comparison Games gets Intense

Especially in the age of social media, it can be discouragingly easy to compare your life to your peers. For a single person living alone in a studio apartment, watching their friends starting to get engaged, get married, and have children can set off intense feelings of being left behind. Society has created these false checkmarks that supposedly indicate one’s growth and success, and it is easy to fall victim to these expectations. Questions like “What about me?” or “What am I doing wrong?” are natural to have and can be difficult not to internalize.

The Quarter-Life Crisis in 4 Stages

Research [i]shows that the average quarter-life crisis has 4 typical stages.

1.      “Locked-In”

Individuals in this phase feel trapped in their commitments, be it a relationship, job, or living situation. They often complain of “pretending to be an adult” while dealing with intense feelings of doubt, loneliness, longing, or unhappiness.

2.       “Separation” (2a)

Typically at this stage individuals start to separate themselves from the situations causing them unhappiness. They might end a long-term relationship or leave an unfulfilling job. People might experience guilt, fear, anxiety, but also begin to feel a sense of relief or freedom.  

“Time Out” (2b)

During this phase, a person takes time to reflect on their journey and resolve painful emotions.  It is common at this point to avoid any commitments or think about long-term plans.

3.      “Exploration”

In this phase, new goals and commitments are pondered and explored. A person may try different identities to see which ones are most in line with their true values. As the researchers say in the article, the self becomes a “question rather than an answer, and process rather than a product.” People begin to feel comfortable exploring the process, and can experience different levels of both excitement and anxiety.

4.      “Rebuilding”

The final stage sees a person begin to re-engage with commitments and plans. One’s life is defined more by intrinsic motivation than external factors, leading to a greater sense of satisfaction and fulfillment.

 It is worth noting that although these are the typical distinct phases of the quarter-life crisis, there is no set time limit for the process. It can last for years and often become a stuck in a cycle between stages 1 and 3. This is why it is so important that young adults take this time to truly figure out what their values and goals are, and what they need to do to work towards them. It can be difficult to ask young adults what they truly want to do, and not what they feel they SHOULD do based on what society expects of them, what their parents think they should do, and what their friends are doing.

As individuals mature out their 20s and age into their 30s and 40s, there is typically a greater sense of mastery of one’s emotions, acceptance that life is neither all good nor all bad, and an understanding that all feelings are temporary. There is an increased ability to tolerate distress and discomfort, understanding that it is all simply part of a complete and fulfilling life.

[i] Robinson, O. C., Wright, G. R. T., & Smith, J. A. (2013). The Holistic Phase Model of Early Adult Crisis. Journal of Adult Development, 20(1), 27–37. https://doi.org/10.1007/S10804-013-9153-Y